“Only one bastard can survive”
June, 1993: Our gentlemen were in for a group date. 3 girls for 4 guys but it’s not a problem since none of the boys are interested anyway. We hear The Jerk describing the Generation X: Honest and straightforward. Strangely, the date quickly becomes a self-sabotage competition, each of the boys using his favorite trick to discourage the candidates.
Oska#2 starts the massacre after checking his pager: He is very famous at school… Because he is ranked last in everything. He also loves rap and performs a demonstration of human beat box with the latin alphabet. Bwahaha… This one will be hard to beat. Next is Timebomb: He uses the big NO-NO card and says pitifully his mom doesn’t know he is having a date, he doesn’t feel at ease. The boys look at him like if he has rabies. NiceGuy opts for the pathos: His hand starts shaking when he takes the cup and he can barely aim his mouth with the straw. Yes he is sick, but nothing deadly…
Holly mother, it’s pathetic and hilarious. Now the 3 girls focus their attention on The Jerk who still didn’t say anything: Very convenient, he can now pretend he has a lisp. ROFL!! Never knew a nightmare could be so funny! The 4th girl arrives late for the date and now the boys are trapped. They all fall for her at first sight but can’t do anything without blowing their cover. She sits in front of The Jerk, who harbors his best puppy face for the occasion. Her name is Kim Eun-hee and I have the feeling we will hear more about her…
Back to present: The boys are enjoying the birthday party for Timebomb and they all pretend they scored with their first love in one way or another. NiceGuy accuses Timebomb of perjury:
The women invited to the party finally dare to ask who’s that Eun-hui and the boys all claim she’s their first love.
At home: DoomedGirl can’t escape The Jerk’s grasp: When she starts her new laptop she discovers her bikini photo as a wallpaper. He printed it life-size on his sheets.
Bwahaha… Sasaeng fan alert!
Plus he keeps calling her despite her refusals. She prefers contemplating the gloves of NiceGuy again. Hard to let go…
The birthday party is wasted when Baby Fox proposes to sing happy birthday for her oppa. The women invited say it’s childish and it sure shows her age. Baby Fox wants to defend herself and the discussion turns into a diplomatic incident. Her brother tells her to shut up and grabs her wrist to go out. Timebomb finally decides to take her side:
Bromance in danger!
The Jerk escorts Baby Fox outside and wants to drive her wherever she wants. She tells him not to worry: It’s only 10pm and she wants to find a Club nearby where she can release the stress. In exchange she asks him to take care of Timebomb: Her brother could kill him after what he did. Awww. Oska#2 delicately announces the party is over and leaves the room with the call girls. The 2 adversaries face each other, more shocked than anything by what happened. No insult, no punches exchanged: They digest silently the situation. NiceGuy is the first to speak. He takes a deep breath and tells Timebomb he wants to have a cigarette now. First time since he quit, years ago. Even the fights with The Foe didn’t shake him this way. Timebomb remembers him they quit together and proposes to go elsewhere for a drink instead: He wants to hear his happy birthday, no matter what. So proud of them!
The Jerk drives NiceGuy at home. The poor passenger feels guilty and is all cramped-up. The Jerk gently tells him than even high-schoolers doesn’t have a 10pm curfew anymore. NiceGuy says he knows, Timebomb already told him. The Jerk insists: he didn’t tell him to let go of her hand to attack his authority but because he was hurting her. He tells him not to worry: Timebomb is a smart and warm guy, plus they trust each other, right? NiceGuy agrees but still feels bad. He shouldn’t have been so strict with Baby Fox all these years… Hoorah for people who acknowledge their mistakes.
Despite their attempts at avoiding each other, DoomedGirl and the Foe are forced to communicate.
The Foe apologizes for what she said the previous night but it feels like she does it to be polite. DoomedGirl accepts the apology at one condition: NiceGuy must not know about their brawl and he also must not know she knows he knows about her crush on him. Needed 5 minutes to write that sentence correctly. DoomedGirl offers to leave the house immediately if she wants to. The Foe says she would prefer that too but she doesn’t have the cash to return her part of the deposit. She adds she will use that reason to boost her performance at the next golf competition. How to wrap cutting words in an apology: “My hate for you will be a motivation to win”. Seriously, she really has to die that one.
DoomedGirl slowly prepares for the next part of her life: She gets rid of the gloves.
The boys are gathered at Oska#2 bar, one pair observing the other. The owner of the bar is worried: Will they break something? The Jerk asks which side he will choose if the fight starts. “Timebomb of course! He is the only one who knows what my wife wrote in her will”. Bwahaha… He returns the question to the Jerk: Which side?
Timebomb drinks a lot. It’s his birthday after all. He tells NiceGuy not to worry, nothing will happen between him and his little sister: He likes her for a long time now and he became a master at controlling his emotions. Tic, tock… Oska#2 worries about Baby Fox cause it’s late and The Jerk tells him to relax. She can be only with DoomedGirl in such a sad day. We have a winner! Both women are hiding at the jimjilgang, one from her oppa and the other from her roommate. DoomedGirl goes to sleep first and commits a fatal mistake:
Oska#2 doesn’t like the idea of 2 women sleeping by themselves at a sauna. Too dangerous. They decide they are gentlemen and will save the damsels in distress…
Baby Fox is disappointed than Timebomb is not here and DoomedGirl is not specially happy to see The Jerk. Of course, each one of the guys has a hidden agenda: Oska#2 wants to take Baby Fox with him, this way The Queen can’t let him at the door. The Jerk learns than DoomedGirl doesn’t want to go home because of The Foe and proposes his solution.
Hehehe… He didn’t really lose his head this one.
Baby Fox comes to the rescue: They can’t be separated. If they want one they take the other.
The Jerk texts NiceGuy and Timebomb to inform them: Baby Fox will be with him for the night. Wait, are they supposed to feel better after reading that? Bwahaha… Arrived at the residence, Baby Fox kidnaps The Jerk because of her bladder and Oska#2 introduces himself formerly to DoomedGirl. They enter the building and coincidentally The Queen has a dinner here tonight. She sees her husband guiding a young woman and the jealousy demon is unleashed: She decides to tail them. Arrived at the proper floor the seducer wants to turn on the right but DoomedGirl remembers it’s on the left.
They don’t have time to settle and rest: The Queen rings at the door and is welcomed by her supposed rival. She wants to know if she’s Baek Hye-joo, the secret mistress. DoomedGirl says it must be a misunderstanding, she doesn’t know that name and even less the person she’s talking to right now. Hopefully Oska#2 hears the conversation and comes to explain, but unsuccessfully. The Queen comments they rehearsed their speech well and is flabbergasted when The Jerk and Baby Fox appear from the other rooms.
Oska#2 explains the reason for their presence: Baby Fox crashed the birthday party and they decided to take her and her teacher with them. The questioning is reversed: How did she know he was here? Did she stalk her husband? Was she CHEATING on him? LOL! The Queen says everything is fine then, they can order food and drinks and put it on her note. The Queens says to DoomedGirl she’s sorry for the harsh words:
My friend, you have gained a powerful ally! [Means matchmaker in my book]
The Queen leaves and DoomedGirl can’t help laughing. She remembers she saw that woman in Timebomb’s office before: She was there to ask for a divorce on Christmas Eve and she was curious to know what kind of man could anger his wife so much. The Jerk says they are not divorced yet but it’s surely on the way, judging from the look on his face. Baby Fox goes to bed but can’t sleep, obsessed by her painful one-sided love. The men order some wine and cheese. DoomedGirl gets quickly drunk and sings very badly.
Oska#2 tells her to remember the name of the wine: The Jerk designed the label and the sales dropped because of that. The Jerk tells him to just leave them alone, they want to end that day head to head, thank you very much. Oska#2 understands: She knew the way so surely they are dating. DoomedGirl says no and he corrects himself: “Oh, you only sleep together then…” DoomedGirl gives an automatic yes before saying NO! and The Jerk explains her brain and her heart can’t agree. Oska#2 leaves the room to answer a call and The Jerk finally decides to do his move. He takes her hand and tells her he waited for this moment. He asks if she found a younger man to date. He wants to know if she had the same problem he has now: After 3 months of a one-sided love he is just angry and anxious all the time.
“Why do you not like me?” Puppy eyes!!! How can you resist that?
He asks if she finds him awesome and she replies yes without blinking: His confidence is very attractive. Amen! He tells her she’s giving him an encouraging comment: She is honest with her feelings when she’s drunk.
He leans for a kiss… But is stopped when Oska#2 returns in the room. DoomedGirl pretends to be asleep on the carpet. Someone give me a baseball bat: I must be more frustrated than him if it’s even possible…
Oska#2 tells The Jerk to carry her on the bedroom. “I guess it’s the best solution. You will sleep on the sofa tonight.” *Devilish grin*
DoomedGirl is thrown on the bed without manners. She scolds The Jerk: Thanks to his stupid idea his friend will now believe they really slept together!
Bwahaha… and RAWR!!! I’m just not sure of the order.
She asks him to carry her back and put her in the bedroom of Baby Fox but he doesn’t want to. Her last solution is to pretend she just woke up: She makes a mess with her hair and gets out of the room all sleepy. A poor bachelor will have to sleep alone once again. UNBEARABLE!
The Jerk heads home in the morning and finds a complete breakfast lovingly prepared by Timebomb. He even bought new dishes and a flowered apron. The Jerk gets scared:
I think they are both having a nervous pregnancy…
The food is inedible though and their stomachs are saved by bread and milk. The Jerk decides the situation is critical and he goes to see Oska#2. They have to find a woman for Timebomb cause he is so frustrated sexually than he treats him like a wife. *Shivers*.
Baby Fox hands him his mango coconut smoothie and The Jerk asks if she spit in it. “Can I do it now?”.
Life goes on: NiceGuy is watching the scene from his car and can’t find the courage to call his sister. DoomedGirl is still harassed by her teacher from hell who wants her to buy her drinks. The Jerk keeps texting his crush with cute messages supposedly for Timebomb.
At the architect office there is a crisis: A license for a building has been refused.
The bastard who wants to kill their business is the ex-client who threw the glass at the team leader’s face. The guy is known to be a dirty player and the District Office advises them to give blow for blow. They check every building he has and note all the illegal modifications. Then they go to meet the bastard with their munitions.The guy tells them he is sad about the all situation, the trial will last for years and who knows how it will end…
Sound effects not included.
He puts the pictures of all his illegal properties on the table. The Jerk says his favorite case is one that would prevent him from sleeping well:
The deal is simple: Retract the lawsuits and pay for the work that has been done, or go to jail for a respectable number of years. Gentlemen 1 – Bastard 0.
DoomedGirl gets contacted by her ex blind date who informs her than The Foe is at the hospital right now: She fainted on the golf practice because of stress and fatigue. DoomedGirl says she shouldn’t stay alone and calls NiceGuy. He asks if it’s The Foe who asked her to call him, visibly angry. She replies she took the initiative and he says than he will act like this call never came then. Hung up phone. Ouch! DoomedGirl creates a fictional conversation to protect her but The Foe knows she’s lying.
Of course, NiceGuy being who he is, he asks Baby Fox to send a “fighting” text to The Foe for her next competition. He also tells his sister he missed her terribly when she was abroad and would hate having to send her away again because she misbehaved. OK mister family head, I know you want to protect her but 1: Problems don’t get solved by putting people on planes. (It should be used for airline companies commercials: “You have a problem like disobedient kids? Loan sharks? Stalker fans? We have the solution: Fly with us!”) 2: Even if you do so she’s legal age and can come back as she wants.
The Queen has one of those annoying high social class dinners where everyone is here to show off his wealth and influence. One of the women asks why her husband didn’t come: It’s not like he needs to work to have a living… The Queen tells them not to worry: They will be the first to know when she will get divorced.
What a filthy vicious snake! And a Kardashian on top of that.
Timebomb practices baseball alone at night and NiceGuy appears from nowhere: He wishes him happy birthday and even draws hearts in the air (saranghae!).
They decide to go for a drink and the Rat Pack is gathered. Oska#2 asks out of the blue if they would come for his funeral.
The Jerk: “Depends… What is the day?” Bwahaha… NiceGuy says he will come only if it takes place in a nice neighborhood. Why that question? The player wants to know if they could give him the condolences money in advance. The Jerk asks what’s the exact problem here: “Are you going to die in advance? Do you need money? … Or do you want to die?” ROFL!!!! Oska#2 says he can’t live like this anymore: He will ask for a divorce and pay the alimony. The Three Stooges reply he won’t go far with their 300 $: They offer to carry his coffin to compensate.
Oska#2 receives a text message from his wife: “Come here now!”. His mood changes radically and he tells them to get ready: Their rents will increase a lot starting from next month. For the record, he will also take revenge on Baby Fox for the towels nagging. The guys decide he’s gone completely nuts. Anyway, the husband arrives to save the day at The Queen’s dinner and the masquerade is perfectly played.
Next day, The Queen and The Foe meet at the golf practice and exchange some pleasant words. Obviously they can’t stand each other. Everyone knows who I root for, right?
The Foe uses her only weapon: She doesn’t have a rich family and isn’t smart like her either but hopefully she’s still young and good-looking. The Queen tells her the problem is not how much she has but rather her spending habits: At this rate she will end her life indebted to everyone. “Aging is sad. But aging alone and poor is the worst”.
OMG! I think I have an ahjumma crush… *Throwing the comp away in horror*.
The Foe goes to shoot a commercial again and someone asks if she’s anxious for the tournament for tomorrow. I would say the girl is terrified. Hopefully she receives an encouraging message from Baby Fox: 2nd place is not for her so she better win this!
The Foe packs her things for the 1 week tournament and DoomedGirl asks if it’s a wise decision given her health condition. The Foe says she doesn’t have the choice: She needs a trophy and the money to pay back the deposit. Plus she should be happy, she can have the house all for herself: It’s a good thing for both of them. DoomedGirl says she will cheer for her and The Foe says thanks “If it’s really sincere…”. That girl needs to do a trust test.
Baby Fox goes to see Timebomb at the office to give him his birthday gift (a leather attaché case she made herself). He avoids eye contact and tells her to leave cause he is busy. He even rejects her present. Attorney Kang comes in and puts a lunch on the table: It’s from a certain Lee Mi-kyung, for his birthday.
Timebomb explains she’s not a love interest but his (ex) mother-in-law.
DoomedGirl returns the picture of NiceGuy to Baby Fox: She couldn’t trash it or burn it. The kiddo is adorable: She says she can help if something went wrong between them, she will always be on her side (= against The Foe). DoomedGirl thanks her but she has also chosen a side: The Foe. *Facepalm*: The “friend” should better redeem herself by locking up the OTP at the residence hotel if she wants to live. And don’t forget to turn off the power. Thanks. Baby Fox tells her teacher you can’t erase the past. You can’t take back the love you gave to someone. She asks DoomedGirl how could she hide her feelings so well (debatable point):
DoomedGirl phone rings and it’s The Jerk. She doesn’t want to answer and he uses the usual tactic of the wrong dialed number: “TimeBomb, she doesn’t want to talk to me. I can’t force her. One sided love is really a sad thing…”.
Puppy eyes… Here! a hug for you.
NiceGuy asks for The Jerk to come and help him. Since The Foe won’t be here for a week, he wants to use that time for the kitchen makeover in her house. The Jerk agrees since it means DoomedGirl will be alone at home. *Wolf alert!*.
Timebomb asks if he is bothered by the idea of both of them together: “Me and teacher”. What the heck? NOOO!!!!
The guys arrive at the women’s house and NiceGuy starts a serious talk with The Jerk: He doesn’t need help for the kitchen but he wants him to help as a punishment. He learned not long ago than DoomedGirl liked him. And he also learned than HE, as his friend, knew about it. Question: Why did he never told him? Was he scared he could waver and steal her from him? Ick… The shit hits the fan and THAT is scary. The Jerk is livid. Hopefully the conflict is temporarily defused with the arrival of DoomedGirl.
To be continued…
Nothing: I’m exhausted, I already talked too much in the recap itself.
Something: Can’t get enough of that show and can’t wait for next eps.